he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
