Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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