Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
