I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
