Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
