this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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