tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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