she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will pee on everything he values.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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