Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
