Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
