ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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