so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
