Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
