Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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