okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
