sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
