White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
