I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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