My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
