I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
