I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
