am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
