dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
