I just pynch a tree in the face
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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