Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
