Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
