This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
