You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
