is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
