Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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