So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
