She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
