I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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