first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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