The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
