he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
