Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
