Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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