did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
