i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Farmville is her only friend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
