No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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