shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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