4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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