You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
