Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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