I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
