WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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