If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
