And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
