Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
