From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
