We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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